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Monday, March 17th, 2008
4:17 pm - Totems and realizations
I have come to realize what at least one of my Totem animals are. Domesticated Dog.

I am Loyal to a fault. Loyal to the point of being Stupid about it sometimes. Loyal to the point that I hate seeing the people i love in any kind of distress and will fight with all my life to try and protect them.

right now i am staying(visiting) some friends in Birmingham. One of these friends is/was my Pet/Submissive in a game i play called "Second Life". In second life i have invested a very large amount of emotion in. This person is a very kind and beautiful woman. She is also married. This is not an issue, because while i do have much affection for her, She is not mine in any way. I know that i cannot come into her mundane life and expect a relationship like what we had in SL. again, it is not part of my expectations. the most i realy want in a relationship with her is to hug her, kiss her hand and tell her how attractive she looks. But, Alas, this also is not in the cards, so i am trying to stay back and keep myself in check.

the most i am allowing myself to do is (back to the totem animal and metafores) nose at her hand and hope for a scratch between the ears(end metafore). I am a very loving, huggy person, and while i know she does not feel comfortable hugging me. I just smile and hope for a pat on the head, some simple sign that I am appreciated in some little way.

normaly this isnt the case, but recently i left a declining relationship situation, and while there i had someone to hug and love on, even if the returned affection was faked or not, here i have no-one to turn to. so, no matter how much i want to go put my chin on her lap and be petted, i will sit where i am and behave myself as any propperly trained Dog should.

current mood: blank

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Wednesday, June 6th, 2007
12:18 am
lol. funny!

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Tuesday, May 29th, 2007
11:00 pm - i think i think too much...
Well, i get a lot of time to think while i do the mindless shit that is my job. and i have discovered a few things about myself this month.

1. Why do i keep going back to working at a pizza place?

I usualy say that the answer to this is that Pizza is all i realy know. ive done it for 7 years and i dont have any other skills. this is true, and false.

True: I have done pizza for 7 years. I know about pizza. I dont have any official training that allows me to get a "decent" job.

False: I dont have any other skills. I have 7 years and a passion for customer service.

The reason that i go back to the pizza places time after time ist because i like doing pizza. I'm comfortable doing pizza and i like doing pizza(for a job you pervs), the the reason that i keep going back to the pizza places is that i enjoy the customer service aspect. I enjoy helping the costomers, giving them good service and a good experience.

so, the question now is, Where and how do i go about getting a job that puts these skills to use? how do i point it out on my resumé?

2. Why do i get pissed off and offended at public displays of (christian) religious articles? real men love jesus bumperstickers and large signs beside the freeway quoting verses. what gives?

I claim to be tolerant of other religions and will argue for or against them depending on the case. I.E. For christianity on the "it's happy hollidays, not Merry christmas" arguement. or against it in the gay marraige argument. Bothe of which are rants in and of themselves. so why does the display piss me off so?

I think i have found the answer. it's not that it offends me, it embarasses me, makes me jealous.

I have something missing emotionaly, spiritualy from my life. I am missing that connection with the Devine that the devout claim to have. That is what i consider faith. Where others can look inside themselves and find that connection, I look inside and find a gaping hole where something in my life is missing. it is that link, that joy that i am missing and i get jealous at the display of something that i cannot find. I spent most of my life going to church, but it always seemed a chore to me. more of a place to nap than to learn. early in my life it was a way to go see my mom (another rant) and get away from my mother. then it turned into a place i had to go because i had no choice. so this brings me to another set of questions.

if i dont like discussing religion with too many people, who do i go to to learn about it?
How do i find that link with the devine that i so desperatly seek?

current mood: contemplative

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Saturday, December 2nd, 2006
11:51 am - Kombat Kard?
watch Dufgall fight
what should i read next

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Thursday, November 9th, 2006
8:12 pm - Political Bullshit
Wisconsin just passed into law an amendment to it's constitution that deems that marrage can only be between a man and a woman. this in and of itself is not a horrible thing, but the thing that kinda pisses me off is the fact that it is an unconstitutional amendment.

the basis of the seperation of church and state is that the state shall not enforce any one church.

the only argument that anyone could come up with was "jesus said:".

Yeah. it passed 51-49, which is a decent thing, meaning that (in my opinion) a lot more christians are either more open minded that one would think, and/or actualy read the bullshit that was all tacked on to it.

so it has come to the state having to uphold the christian values instead of the christians doing it themselves.

my rant for the week.

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Saturday, October 29th, 2005
2:56 pm

You are the Commoner, often
put down and yet surprisingly one of the most
valiant and true characters in fantasy. The
Commoner may be average or plain in appearance,
and yet they are the most likely to possess
noble and unique characteristics such as a
sense of honor, honesty, and deep loyalty. They
are also very loving and dedicated. If they
take up a cause you can bet they will see it
through the very end.

Animal: Dog
Gem: Onyx
Farmer's Scythe


Who would you be if you were a character in an epic fantasy? (beautiful pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

current mood: worried

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Monday, August 29th, 2005
3:57 am
Ingram is a very rare male name.
Very few men in the US are named Ingram.
Be proud of your unique name!

(guess they dont keep records that far down the ranking list)

Mac is the #979 most common male name.
0.005% of men in the US are named Mac.
Around 6125 US men are named Mac!

Yates is the #388 most common last name.
0.029% of last names in the US are Yates.
Around 72500 US last names are Yates!

what a fucking odd name, huh?

current mood: blarg

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Saturday, March 26th, 2005
11:05 pm - Very interesting!
The Harlequin
You scored 36% Cardinal, 43% Monk, 50% Lady, and 37% Knight!
You are a mystery, a jack-of-all-trades. You have the king's ear, but also listen to murmurings of the common folk. You believe in the value of force and also literature. Truly you are the puzzlement of the age.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 43% on Cardinal
You scored higher than 60% on Monk
You scored higher than 80% on Lady
You scored higher than 21% on Knight
Link: The Who Would You Be in 1400 AD Test written by KnightlyKnave on Ok Cupid

current mood: impressed

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Monday, March 7th, 2005
2:52 am - OK! that does it!
it's ticking me off! everyone has these cool cute and interesting little avatars!


here's what i'm asking...

If you know how do to avatars, find one, make one, steal one... send me the avatar that you think suits me and if i can ever figure out how to use them, i'll start posting them when i post!

sound cool? let me know if you need my email to send them to me.

current mood: creative

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Sunday, February 20th, 2005
1:22 am - ... not good with topics ...

My japanese name is 猿渡 Saruwatari (monkey on a crossing bridge) 大輝 Taiki (large radiance).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.


My japanese name is 猿渡 Saruwatari (monkey on a crossing bridge) 誠 Makoto (sincerity).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.


My japanese name is 井上 Inoue (upon a well) 駿 Shun (fast person).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Chinese New Year is feb 12, celebrations last for 15 days, or untill feb 27th... I was due on the 22nd and born on the 28th...

so, which year would i be considered? the new year, or the old year?

the reason i ask, is because I was born in 1980, which is considered the year of the Monkey...

People born in the Year of the Monkey are the erratic geniuses of the cycle. Clever, skillful, and flexible, they are remarkably inventive and original and can solve the most difficult problems with ease. There are few fields in which Monkey people wouldn't be successful but they have a disconcerting habit of being too agreeable. They want to do things now, and if they cannot get started immediately, they become discouraged and sometimes leave their projects. Although good at making decisions, they tend to look down on others. Having common sense, Monkey people have a deep desire for knowledge and have excellent memories

but i see my personality as a Ram, which was the year before the Monkey...

People born in the Year of Ram seem to be, at first glance, better off than those born in the zodiac's other years. But ram year people are often shy, pessimistic, and puzzled about life. Sometimes clumsy in speech, they are always passionate about what they do and what they believe in. The sign suggests creative, artistic, passionate, elegant, warmhearted, honest, charming but pessimistic, timid, disorganized and vulnerable. Too much dependent on material comforts, they are quick to complain and do not respond well to pressure, but will find their own natural solution to a problem when given space.

current mood: contemplative

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Thursday, February 3rd, 2005
10:59 pm
Take the quiz: "Which Vampire Clan Do You Belng To?"

You're a rebel with (or without) cause! Clan quote: 'Think for yourself, or your better off ded. Either way I'M satisfied'.

current mood: horny

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Sunday, January 30th, 2005
3:12 am - I am one FUCKED up Person!
You scored as A Too Depressed Faerie. There's no doubt about it your not a very cheerful faerie exactly. Maybe your feeling absence or are just depressed with life or world events currently. You may be upset but that doesn't necessarily mean your unhappy, there are some faeries who enjoy sadness. But if your not one of them, look up and smile, if its so bad, it can only get better.

See All Results/Comment


A Too Depressed Faerie


A Too Astral Faerie


A Too Lazy Faerie


A Too Kinky Faerie


A Too Sweet Faerie


A Too Sporty Faerie


A Too Silly Faerie


A Too Serious Faerie


A Too Evil Faerie


Which Dysfunctional Faerie are You?
created with

Borderline:Very High
Avoidant:Very High
Dependent:Very High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

current mood: blank

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Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
1:17 am - ok... time for a vote... Is this me?

find your element

current mood: amused

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Monday, January 10th, 2005
7:49 am
Why must love hurt
why must love cause pain
why must love be so cruel

it is so pleasurable just being in the arms of your love
the one you love feels so good
because the one you love is ever so kind

love is not a kind emotion...
Being loved IS!


Loving someone deeply gives you courage.
knowing you are deeply loved gives you strength
- author unknown

current mood: Loved... and loving

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Tuesday, December 28th, 2004
2:19 am
someone please come rescue me...

I dont want to go home and i dont want to stay here... I have 80$ till payday but that is supposedly going to ins... i say supposedly because i cant say that i wont spend it on something like comfort food...

i sleep all day and stay up all night. i dont want to go to work. i have been delivering pizza for 4 years and i'm FUCKING TIRED of it. but there's nothing here in meridian that can give me the challenge that i'm looking for...

i havent eaten maybe 1 decent meal in the past week... it's been fast food and junk food...

i can only get a job around here that is minimum wage no deploma required any idiot can do it... it sickens me.

current mood: depressed

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Thursday, December 16th, 2004
7:01 pm - dont assume one fricking thing!!!!!!
why in the world does everyone assume that just because you have an interest in learning any part of magic that you automaticaly know how to cast spells, do rituals or something like that?

rituals and sympathetic magics require something that i realy dont have much of... Faith. faith that the spell will work. the practitioner beleives that what they are doing will work.

i feel like an idiot when i pray. youy think i'm gonna be doing any type of ritual magic? HELL! I cant even imagine a protective bubble around myself.... how the hell am i gona do any magic feeling that wy?

beleif... that is something i have, but to a smaller degree...

Herbalism is something i can work with. it's tangeable... there is a physical ingredient in the magic. you must understand this, this, this, and this. and that is all fine with me. why do i say that something like this will work? because i can actualy beleive that it will... I have enough faith in the physical...

but when you try to get me to have faith or beleive in someth that "isnt" there. dont hold your breath. it will take a lit longer...

and for those of you who ive been talking with about such matters, i'm not refering to you specificaly... i signed up for a herbalism course, and found out that working spells is part of the class... WTF?!?

current mood: annoyed

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Saturday, December 11th, 2004
12:55 am

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.
Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connect to your soul.
You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.
Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.

You have great vision and can be very insightful.
In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.
Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.
You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

current mood: complacent

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Saturday, December 4th, 2004
10:27 pm - heeheehee
Generate your Anime Style by Jena-su

current mood: contemplative

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12:04 am - *whistles innocently*
Your Erotic LJ dream by cozzette
you went to bed feeling
You began to dream aboutcarol_1_12
who wasdominating you
inthier car
withleather on
which made youb for m
but was interupted bydragonpurr
who began toget jealouse
You awokehorny
and you hopethat dreams do come true
chance of that happening:: 48%
Quiz created with MemeGen!

current mood: amused

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Sunday, November 14th, 2004
8:17 pm - ME for Presedent

What is your presidency like?
LJ Username
Political Party
Campaign Slogan
Celebrity Endorsment
Vice President moonstone_fox
Cheif of Staff moonstone_fox
Secretary of State tamababy
Scandal caused by relationship with carol_1_12
Scandal Ran over cute puppy in Air Force One
Approval Rating - 23%
This cool quiz by malaisia - Taken 8286 Times.
New - Dating Advice written by YOU!

current mood: amused

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